Anxiety

I didn’t know what to title this.  Nothing earth shattering came to mind so I made it simple:  “Anxiety”.

The last of the year is always a busy crazy one in my business.  We work hard to secure annuals, to get our clients the best deal we can with incentives galore.  This year seemed harder than normal, more rushed, and it was hard to enjoy the Christmas season and my birthday but I worked hard to do so.

So I was anxious, very much so, and when I went in to talk to my doctor for my annual, I told her that I was anxious.  I felt myself not being able to breathe, not being able to sleep, crying and shaking.  So I tried a med.  It made me so nauseous.  I quit the med and worked out more, which kind of worked.

I had a great Christmas with my parents, relaxed, enjoyed…and then work started again.  And the Sunday before I went back to work I found myself at home, crying uncontrollably, shaking and not being able to breathe.  Anxiety.  Panic.  When I should have called my friends, I didn’t.  I didn’t want to be a burden, I didn’t want to bother, I didn’t call the people I SHOULD have.

I’ve had these conversations lately.  My friend had a bad day and I say “You should have called me” and the following would be the answers:  “I didn’t want to burden you, I didn’t want to bother”.  Why do we have to feel like we shouldn’t bother the people we trust and SHOULD lean on.

The following came up on my Facebook the other day and it’s so appropriate:

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.

“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet,” said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”

Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”

Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”

“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There.

No more; no less.

(A.A. Milne, E.H. Shepard)

And that, folks, is why we have friends.  For the good days, the bad days, the anxiety, the doctor appointments, the troubles with kids, the troubles with spouses, the troubles with work…and the days where everything is going right, the days when you get the promotion, the day when your child graduates, the day when you get a new house.

Friends are to be there in ALL times of life.  I need to take a lesson from Pooh and Piglet, be there when it’s not requested.  I need to take a lesson from Eeyore and ask for time even if I’m not in a good place because friends help you to a better place.

You’re Single?

So I’m back…I think.  And whether I’m writing this for others to read (I hope) or it’s journaling, either is fine.  And, not all posts will be about gluten free so if you read these for reviews, etc., that’s great but I’m going to explore other topics in my life as well.

Something has gotten me thinking over the last couple of months and is something that has appeared over my lifetime:  Why am I single?

There are a few of things about being single I want to focus on for this post.  The first thing is that question I dread hearing:  “Why are you single?”  Sigh…well Karen (sorry all Karens out there, I know your name is used a lot these days so I will jump on the bandwagon) there are probably two reason for me being single.  The first is that I like being single, I can do things on my own time without asking someone if we have plans, etc.  I like my TIME.  But the second is that I’m un-dateable.  NOW, before y’all get all riled up, it could be true.  I’m not a good dater.

Here’s why:  I’m in sales.  Every day I’m prospecting, cold calling, doing meetings to see what needs are and, hopefully, selling them on not only my products but ME.  In order for someone to do business with me, they have to trust me.  Dating is like that.  You prospect for that guy you want to go out with, you contact them (or they contact you), you go on a date to see if there is compatibility and then you have to TRUST each other and build that.  It’s like work for me to date.

The third, and even worse thing, that I hear is “You’re beautiful and smart and funny…why don’t you have a boyfriend?”  Which is code for “what is wrong with you?”  No, I don’t have seven toes and no, I’m not a serial killer.   I don’t know why I don’t have a boyfriend because if I could answer that question…I would have a boyfriend.  Probably because see the first point:  It feels like work, like a job, to date.

The thing that goes along with that is that, honestly, I don’t think I’m beautiful.  Now, don’t go thinking that I think I’m Quasimodo because I know I’m pretty but I hear things like “beautiful” and “stunning”.  I can hold my own but it surprises me when I hear that.

So I am single.  And a good part of me LIKES being single.  That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t LIKE to have a boyfriend.  Right now is not the time and when the time is right it will happen.

And, by the way, Quasimodo had endearing qualities, looks aren’t always the only thing that attracts.

These last few weeks

It’s been a crazy week and few days and I’m sorry I haven’t written.  I have some blog posts ready to go but these last few weeks have been something else… I love cats and most recently (April 2016) adopted … Continue reading

Take me out to the ball game!

As you’ve probably already noted, I am a huge Chicago Cubs fan. I bought my tickets and I was ready to go to the Cubs/Rockies game in Denver, all that was left was to start singing “take me out to … Continue reading

The Salad is Gluten Free

Today I went to a luncheon at a local restaurant.  As a group, we had checked to see if they would have gluten free items for us at lunch.  We were told (twice, by the way) that there would be a gluten free option.  When I arrived, I spoke to the owner and asked about gluten free options and the answer was “The salad is gluten free”.

Now, if I had a dime for every time I heard that, I would be pretty well off.  Lettuce is gluten free.  What a concept.  I bet next you’ll be telling me that carrots are.

The problem was that it was so non chalant, like I didn’t matter as a consumer.  I explained to him that two of our membership had inquired so that we could make sure anyone that needed to be gluten free would be taken care of.  He responded that there were gluten free menu items but only the lettuce salad would be gluten free so I asked about the dressing, which was.

My issues were as follows:  1.  If you tell a group that there will be gluten free options, please stick by that.  I realize that salad is easy but it’s not the lunch I pay for.  2.  Don’t be non chalant about it.  This is something real, not something that I choose to do, and would much rather eat like a normal person.

All in all, this isn’t the first time I’ve had a run in with this place and will try to go there as little as possible.

Social Distortion

I love the band Social Distortion.  There is always a song for each happening in life and, although this may seem like it will be a band tribute, it isn’t. I’ve had some experiences in the past few weeks that … Continue reading

Into the New Year

I’ve been mulling over what to write as we head into the new year.  2017.  How did we get here already?  Life tends to go so quickly and more so as I get older.

2016 was a year of highs and lows.  From changes at work to my grandma’s passing to the passing of some of my friend’s parents, there were lows.  There were also highs like a promotion at work and a new car as well as moving into my house.

Who knows what 2017 will bring.  I find myself a little trepidatious about the new year.  I have a little anxiety and I’m not sure why.  Maybe because I set some high goals for myself at work or maybe because there are things I want to accomplish that I’m not sure I can.

I would love to take a trip to Europe or, at the very least, book a trip.  I’d like to get most of my bills paid down except those day to day bills.  I’d like to have a deck built onto my house.  I’d like to spend more time with family and friends, as time is a precious commodity.  And I’d like to become a better salesperson to my clients and I’d like to learn, push myself to learn more.

So that’s my 2017 goal list, where I’d like to go.  I hope that your year is off to a great start!

I’ll be Home for Christmas

A couple of weeks ago our pastor told the story behind the song “I’ll be Home for Christmas”.  It was written during wartime and the writer couldn’t get a record label to record the song.  One day while golfing with … Continue reading

A Little Break

As you can tell, I’ve taken a little break from writing.  Some of it because I’ve, honestly, not felt like writing because I felt like everything I would write would be not overly positive.  Not because everything is horrible but because that’s when I feel like writing the most.  The other part is that I’ve been busy and putting my brain to writing seems to exhaust me.

That brings me to this.  I’ve been tired.  Like sleep 10 hours a night tired.  And thankfully I’ve had this weekend off so I’ve been going to bed at 9 after struggling to stay awake.  I mean, six o’ clock and I could go to bed tired.  Then I sleep until 7 or 8.  I’ve  been tired for a while but the last couple of months it has started to really bother me.  I went to the doctor and they did a complete blood panel and everything came back normal.  My T3 (thanks to my hypothyroidism) is a little off but nothing to be overly concerned about.  Nothing to explain this feeling of exhaustion.  Unless it’s mono, then all I can do is sleep it off.  I go back to the doc in a couple of week to see if the new meds for the T3 are working and will have them do the mono test at that time.

Also, I know this is the time for people to go out to eat with their families and it can be a struggle.  No matter how many times you ask if a meal is gluten free, ask the server to mark it on their order, mistakes can happen as can cross contamination.  This happened last week, I went to a restaurant with a friend.  I made sure the server knew it had to be gluten free (asked about each item on the list and requested it three times) and then when it was served I asked several times again.  It wasn’t gluten free, my tummy told me that, and I spent most of the night with a tummy that tried to get rid of the food as quickly as possible.

Now, I know I take a chance when eating out.  This is the first time in over four years that this has happened, people around here tend to get it right, to understand how important it is.  But this was one time when care wasn’t taken no matter how careful I was.

I’m sure some of this contributed to my lack of energy this weekend.  I did have an amazing Thanksgiving and had the energy to prepare the meal with the help of my mom and dad.  I did have the energy to finish decorating the exterior of the house and it took all day on Friday to do the interior of the house.

So I’m taking little steps with the little energy I have.  Thank you for your patience as I took some time off the radar.  I will be better in the future.

Overwhelmed

It’s been a while since I’ve written.  The last couple of months have been crazy.  I went into sales in June and I’ve been concentrating on building my book of business and have been running on all cylinders.  I’ve spent quite a few days out of town as well.  Things are going well but it’s a crazy, crazy time.

I also moved to 2nd Vice President in Lions last month which means new responsibilities and learning more there.

It’s a lot of change at one time and while I embrace change, this week things have caught up to me.

You see, there have been a lot of changes in my personal life and my friend’s lives.  I have done a little “housekeeping” when it came to friends and have decided to weed out those that have wronged me or that use me.  It’s felt good to surround myself with positive people.

While I’ve been overwhelmed with what’s going on in my life, the worst thing is when I can’t help my friends.  I know that when things are crazy in my life I have a good cry and the weight is lifted.  But when I see my friends hurting, it overwhelms me in a different way.  There aren’t enough words or hugs or cards that can make things better.  Only time.  But all I want to do is fix things, make them right again and make sure everyone is happy.

The reality is that not all times are happy.  In fact, Ecclesiastes 3 says:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

We take the good with the bad, we laugh and cry…and in these times of being overwhelmed I pray.