Anxiety

I didn’t know what to title this.  Nothing earth shattering came to mind so I made it simple:  “Anxiety”.

The last of the year is always a busy crazy one in my business.  We work hard to secure annuals, to get our clients the best deal we can with incentives galore.  This year seemed harder than normal, more rushed, and it was hard to enjoy the Christmas season and my birthday but I worked hard to do so.

So I was anxious, very much so, and when I went in to talk to my doctor for my annual, I told her that I was anxious.  I felt myself not being able to breathe, not being able to sleep, crying and shaking.  So I tried a med.  It made me so nauseous.  I quit the med and worked out more, which kind of worked.

I had a great Christmas with my parents, relaxed, enjoyed…and then work started again.  And the Sunday before I went back to work I found myself at home, crying uncontrollably, shaking and not being able to breathe.  Anxiety.  Panic.  When I should have called my friends, I didn’t.  I didn’t want to be a burden, I didn’t want to bother, I didn’t call the people I SHOULD have.

I’ve had these conversations lately.  My friend had a bad day and I say “You should have called me” and the following would be the answers:  “I didn’t want to burden you, I didn’t want to bother”.  Why do we have to feel like we shouldn’t bother the people we trust and SHOULD lean on.

The following came up on my Facebook the other day and it’s so appropriate:

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.

“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet,” said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”

Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”

Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”

“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There.

No more; no less.

(A.A. Milne, E.H. Shepard)

And that, folks, is why we have friends.  For the good days, the bad days, the anxiety, the doctor appointments, the troubles with kids, the troubles with spouses, the troubles with work…and the days where everything is going right, the days when you get the promotion, the day when your child graduates, the day when you get a new house.

Friends are to be there in ALL times of life.  I need to take a lesson from Pooh and Piglet, be there when it’s not requested.  I need to take a lesson from Eeyore and ask for time even if I’m not in a good place because friends help you to a better place.

You’re Single?

So I’m back…I think.  And whether I’m writing this for others to read (I hope) or it’s journaling, either is fine.  And, not all posts will be about gluten free so if you read these for reviews, etc., that’s great but I’m going to explore other topics in my life as well.

Something has gotten me thinking over the last couple of months and is something that has appeared over my lifetime:  Why am I single?

There are a few of things about being single I want to focus on for this post.  The first thing is that question I dread hearing:  “Why are you single?”  Sigh…well Karen (sorry all Karens out there, I know your name is used a lot these days so I will jump on the bandwagon) there are probably two reason for me being single.  The first is that I like being single, I can do things on my own time without asking someone if we have plans, etc.  I like my TIME.  But the second is that I’m un-dateable.  NOW, before y’all get all riled up, it could be true.  I’m not a good dater.

Here’s why:  I’m in sales.  Every day I’m prospecting, cold calling, doing meetings to see what needs are and, hopefully, selling them on not only my products but ME.  In order for someone to do business with me, they have to trust me.  Dating is like that.  You prospect for that guy you want to go out with, you contact them (or they contact you), you go on a date to see if there is compatibility and then you have to TRUST each other and build that.  It’s like work for me to date.

The third, and even worse thing, that I hear is “You’re beautiful and smart and funny…why don’t you have a boyfriend?”  Which is code for “what is wrong with you?”  No, I don’t have seven toes and no, I’m not a serial killer.   I don’t know why I don’t have a boyfriend because if I could answer that question…I would have a boyfriend.  Probably because see the first point:  It feels like work, like a job, to date.

The thing that goes along with that is that, honestly, I don’t think I’m beautiful.  Now, don’t go thinking that I think I’m Quasimodo because I know I’m pretty but I hear things like “beautiful” and “stunning”.  I can hold my own but it surprises me when I hear that.

So I am single.  And a good part of me LIKES being single.  That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t LIKE to have a boyfriend.  Right now is not the time and when the time is right it will happen.

And, by the way, Quasimodo had endearing qualities, looks aren’t always the only thing that attracts.