February is a fun month. Last week was an amazing week. I am a part of the Grand Junction Lions Club and we hold one fundraiser a year. It is not only the biggest fundraiser among the community groups in Grand Junction, it is the biggest one time fundraiser in Lions Club International. We are kinda a big deal.
We do a raffle (six-seven weeks of selling raffle tickets) and then do a parade and carnival to finish it off. The carnival is old timey: a quarter a paddle and you can win different things like soda, bacon and eggs, candy, flowers and so much more. We have been doing this for 86 years and it’s a staple in the community and several generations of people have attended. Each year there is a theme: this year was Colorado Wild and we did it up right, on a boat!
Yup, we have a good time and do a lot to raise money for the community. This year we have pledged to give $125,000 to 10 organizations in Grand Junction. Not too shabby.
Not only was a carnival but it was 10 years since I arrived in Grand Junction. I’ve never lived anywhere for 10 years so this is huge. I felt like I was celebrating with my Lions family (although most of them had no idea, but I pretended it was all about me anyway). It’s a huge accomplishment in my life.
And then there was the worst of times. Sunday night my cat, Punky, was incontinent not once, but twice. She is 18 1/2, has been a diabetic for over six years and I know that this is a red flag. She had been incontinent about a month ago but wrote it off as sleeping really hard, not a big deal. I should have paid more attention. So, I took her to the vet on Monday and Dr. Aimee Johnson put her on an antibiotic immediately. We got the test results back yesterday (bladder infection) but at her age, this is much more than just that. The incontinence hasn’t gone away, she seems to have a feline dementia (yes, there is such a thing) and…she’s my fur baby.
I’m facing the truth that I may have to make one of the hardest decisions that I’ve ever had to make and that is putting her to sleep. I have to start looking past my desire to have my fur baby with me and to look at what is best for her. Whether I should let her live with not knowing who I am (I am starting to look into eyes that sometimes have no idea who I am) or letting her go before she doesn’t even know when or how to eat. I have to look past my desire to not want to make a hard decision or make a decision that keeps her from pain and suffering. I have to look past ME. And this isn’t easy. I have spent the past two nights crying, hugging her, letting her sleep on my lap and just wondering: is it time. I have spent the past two days at work talking to my co worker and boss (who have and are going through the same thing as me) and listening to their advice. I am fortunate to have a boss that says “when it’s time, take a day”.
And I have a feeling that the day will come soon…and I don’t want to have to make a decision but she is a faithful animal, a kind soul and won’t go…unless I make that decision for her. That is my gut feeling.
So I had an amazing week last week…and now face an adult decision. I don’t want to be an adult in this decision. I want to make a fort, hide and play dolls in it…and forget that hard decisions exist.